How often do you use that expression when someone asks how you are? How are you really feeling?
When I ask people how they are and they respond with “Fine”, I wonder if there is something else going on. When someone says “Fine” what that is really telling me is that they have “Feelings Inside Not Expressed”. I’ve said this so many times when meeting clients for the first time, and they can usually identify with what I am saying.
We have all sorts of reasons for not telling people exactly how we are feeling, and I do this as much as the next person: –
- We don’t want to bore or trouble the person who is asking with all our problems and woes
- Sometimes it is just easier than going into detail
- We are very private and really don’t want to share our feelings, especially with a stranger
- Stiff upper lip, we just carry on regardless
- We may be feeling really ecstatic, but the person asking seems a bit low so we tone it down a bit.
And many, many more reasons.
This expression is very often used by people who have an “invisible illness”. If you have a broken leg, everyone can see you hobbling around with your leg in a cast, will show some sympathy and may ask you how you broke your leg. But with invisible illness such as mental health issues, ME, fibromyalgia (too many to name them all), it is difficult to put into words your pain (both physical and emotional) or anxiety and often peoples misunderstanding of your condition puts you off even attempting to explain. One friend of mine, Liz, at BuBakes writes a very insightful blog on living with depression and anxiety and I really urge anyone who either lives with or wants to have a better understanding to take a look.
Most of the treatments I offer work on both a physical and emotional level. Although some people may view reflexology as just a foot massage (at this point I flinch just typing those words), it can work so much deeper and often brings raw emotion to the fore. Whether this is from the actual reflexes worked during the session, or if it is just putting aside an hour devoted purely to that person and their needs, it doesn’t matter. If it makes the person feel valued, cared for, relaxed and ultimately better about themselves then my work has been done.
So next time someone tells you they are feeling fine, think about what they are really saying.